Divorce causes disturbance, confusion and a feeling of uncertainty in the life of two people who decide to take the big step. But this decision comes as even more shocking and distressing for the children who have no idea what their life is going to be like after their parents’ marriage is over.
Some of the consequences of divorce that affect both parents and children include settling down in a new living place, adjusting to a new income and new routine, and taking care of everyday activities like cooking, cleaning the house and attending to visitors. Both partners previously shared all these responsibilities and a divorce changes things.
This sudden change of events has long-term traumatic affects on a child’s mind.
Then comes the problem of which parent would keep the children. Sometimes both parents want to have custody of the children and eventually the case has to be brought to court. Seeing their parents fight with each other and having to witness this in court leave many unanswered questions in the mind of children.
Even after the court’s decision, divorced parents still fight over things when it comes to decisions regarding their children’s schooling, financial and emotional support in times of need, which career to follow and so many other trivial things. Although it is too late to be reasonable after a divorce, it is advisable that parents carry out such fights when their children are not at home or are not around to witness it. The more they hear and see arguing and fighting between their parents, the more confused and torn the children become.
During this entire crisis, parents should give their children a chance to speak out their thoughts and feelings. For example, if children are above five or six years old, they can let their parents know who they want to live with. Smaller children definitely need their mother’s closeness and love, and therefore in such a situation, the father should not interfere. However, he should feel responsible and provide them with financial assistance.
Children should be made aware that their parents had many conflicting habits and ideas, and they could not live with each other any longer. Parents should do everything to assure their children that they had nothing to do with the divorce. Most of the time, children who grow up in a tense atmosphere and hear their parents fight over each and every matter are already prepared to face the consequences of such actions. However, there is still a need to comfort them, bring them closer and give preference to their liking when divorce finally happens.
Many people wish to get married again after being divorced, sometimes for the sake of their children and sometimes to fulfil their own pleasures. The concept of a stepmother or a stepfather is not a very pleasant one in almost all cultures. Before getting married, it cannot be foreseen how things are going to turn out. Therefore, divorced parents are strongly advised to keep the happiness of their children before their own because if they are not able to adjust with the new mom or new dad, things will keep on deteriorating.
The rate of failed marriages has increased tremendously since 1970. Nobody can tell with certainty that a marriage will be successful. However, it is recommended that before deciding to have babies, married couples must carefully analyze and assess their marriage.